Getting fit for the operations

I'm pretty crap at diets, basically because I LOVE EATING! I was the only heart patient as a kid on the ward that after a 10 hour operation was wanting to eat dinner.  The need to eat has continued until a few weeks ago when I heard that news.  The news that I needed multiple operations on my left leg otherwise, I could kiss goodbye to walking.

So shaping up was like having a gun pointed at my head, because I know if I don't start getting healthy now, my recovery time would be a lot longer later down the line.  I'm not allowed to walk far, or do exercise so I turned to Slim Fast shakes in a bottle.  I have lost a stone in weight in about 3 weeks, my target is to get down to 9.5 stone in 2.5 months.

I'm not obsessing over the lovely cake my work cook anymore, because I have that metaphorical gun pointed at my head ready to pull the trigger if I eat it.  I have taken myself away from supermarkets and ice cream and chocolate.  I no longer feel the need to stuff my face. 

This is my daily regime:
Morning: Vanilla Slim Fast and Caffeine Coffee after. 206cal
Lunch: Low call Sandwich or meal 400cal
Dinner: Chocolate Slim Fast and Decaff Coffee after. 206cal
Supper: 0% fat Greek Yogurt and Raspberry's 100cal

Living off under 1000cal a day and losing weight with no gains, drinking plenty of water in between to stay hydrated and its working really well.

So anyone wanting to diet I strongly recommend asking your doctor first, and I obviously take no responsibility if any bad thing happens to you, but I can recommend Slim Fast.  It is the only thing that has ever worked for me.

Amazon are selling Slim Fast direct to your door, buy through the link on the left of the page and you'll make my blog abit of cash too.

What is life?

I have been doing a lot of thinking recently, some would say internalising.  What if the life I have had is now over and I have to think about starting again from scratch.  That's a big thing to think about isn't it?  I have been told to "get off my legs" as much as possible to not cause further damage to my bones. 

I could end up in a wheelchair for the rest of my life if it isn't sorted out soon.  Being in a wheelchair doesn't worry me, but the rest of life does.  Would this effect my finances? I'm a man who loves to see the world? I'm also currently finding myself single at the age of 36.  I took myself off the dating scene when I found out about my leg issue a few weeks ago, I don't think I'm a very good catch right now.  My brain is thinking about getting better rather my love life.  I've been single and dating for the last few years; but I do have concerns that my dating pool of people is dramatically lowered, because for some people I now have too much baggage.  Love life officially on hold..

                                                  This is me in Niagara, Canada

So my question "What is life?" for me life is what I make of the here and now, because at the moment, I cannot control the outcomes of what is happening to me in the future.  I'm spending time, "getting off my legs" at work, in my flat and at my parents home.  I'm trying to live life to the fullest as I possibly can.  By writing this blog I hope it might help others going through traumatic times, knowing you are not alone, we are all connected.  Life is still good, it's just being a bit tricky.

I have been touched by the amount of good, kind and thoughtful people wanting to help me via my Facebook and Twitter accounts.  Friends around the world, have all been sending messages of support.  One friend Linda from Australia who I met through the sport of Dragon Boating has been talking to me in the dead of night, it's daytime down under.  Night time is the worst for people who worry like myself, so a special thanks to Linda for allowing me to unload my worries.  I hope to one day come out to Australia and thank you in person.

A new beginning or the end..

Is this the beginning or the end as I know it...

I have been in shock for the last week.  My specialist has told me that X-Ray's showed I had abnormal bone structure in pelvis, bending femur, knee and ankle.  She told me that I will need multiple operations to reconstruct it all. 

I don't understand why this wasn't picked up as a child at Great Ormond Street Children's Hospital, or maybe this is something that has happened to me and changed in my body going into adulthood.

When I arrived at Kings College Hospital London recently I thought I was just going into ask for a basic leg lengthening operation.  It's actually not so basic but not such an ordeal as when I was a teenager having it done. 

At the moment I feel very anxious and not feeling as upbeat as I normally am, the news of multiple operations has hit me hard.  It's terrifying to know, I maybe off work for a number of months, there are so many unknowns while my specialist gets to grips with what's going on.

I have a lot of anger inside me too, angry at myself for just covering up the pain and getting on with life.  I have been self medicating with Ibroprofen, paracetamol and codeine for years.  If I had been more persistent with my GP's over the years would I have been seen quicker instead of now, and maybe the damage cannot be undone.

                                                     An example of leg lengthening

The problems I have are so serious and complex I will next go to a case study with a team of consultants gathering together, to see what can be done for the lower half of my body.  Depending on how long it takes to get healthy again I could lose my own home, income and freedom.  I have never felt so vulnerable.  I have been told to get off my legs and do more office work to stop any more damage and help stop the pain. 

I'm not done with life yet, although those dark thoughts are emerging, I want to live and walk and see the world for more years to come.  Life as I know it has changed, I hope I can still live the life I want to lead when all is done...