First MRI Scan On Left Leg

It was a nervous start to the day 5:15am and I learnt the trains were not running to time, others cancelled.  I'm on my way to Kings College Hospital in London for the first MRI to find out what is really going on with my left leg. 

As I have said before, the thought of going to London and going to hospital does not worry me, its all the stuff surrounding it that does.  The trains not running correctly does little to calm my OCD for running late, no one gave a seat to me despite suffering standing, the fact that in the end I was 45minutes early did not matter.  The travel home was a nightmare, and hours journey took almost 4 hours because of Southern Railways very thoughtful idiotic timetable.

Example of MRI Machine

Once at Kings College Hospital London, I found the MRI unit, was asked to fill a short questionnaire and strip off any metal out of my pockets.  I lay in a machine like in a tunnel while its magnets took real time imagery of my upper left thigh knee and lower leg.  My consultant surgeon wants to know why my femur appears to be collapsing, then using the data can get a model of the operations that I will need.  The MRI is not a machine for people who don't like small spaces.  I felt trapped and despite 2016 is the nosiest machine I have been in.

I should know more in a weeks time when I see my consultant again on Friday.

A new beginning or the end..

Is this the beginning or the end as I know it...

I have been in shock for the last week.  My specialist has told me that X-Ray's showed I had abnormal bone structure in pelvis, bending femur, knee and ankle.  She told me that I will need multiple operations to reconstruct it all. 

I don't understand why this wasn't picked up as a child at Great Ormond Street Children's Hospital, or maybe this is something that has happened to me and changed in my body going into adulthood.

When I arrived at Kings College Hospital London recently I thought I was just going into ask for a basic leg lengthening operation.  It's actually not so basic but not such an ordeal as when I was a teenager having it done. 

At the moment I feel very anxious and not feeling as upbeat as I normally am, the news of multiple operations has hit me hard.  It's terrifying to know, I maybe off work for a number of months, there are so many unknowns while my specialist gets to grips with what's going on.

I have a lot of anger inside me too, angry at myself for just covering up the pain and getting on with life.  I have been self medicating with Ibroprofen, paracetamol and codeine for years.  If I had been more persistent with my GP's over the years would I have been seen quicker instead of now, and maybe the damage cannot be undone.

                                                     An example of leg lengthening

The problems I have are so serious and complex I will next go to a case study with a team of consultants gathering together, to see what can be done for the lower half of my body.  Depending on how long it takes to get healthy again I could lose my own home, income and freedom.  I have never felt so vulnerable.  I have been told to get off my legs and do more office work to stop any more damage and help stop the pain. 

I'm not done with life yet, although those dark thoughts are emerging, I want to live and walk and see the world for more years to come.  Life as I know it has changed, I hope I can still live the life I want to lead when all is done...