Is this the beginning or the end as I know it...
I have been in shock for the last week. My specialist has told me that X-Ray's showed I had abnormal bone structure in pelvis, bending femur, knee and ankle. She told me that I will need multiple operations to reconstruct it all.
I don't understand why this wasn't picked up as a child at Great Ormond Street Children's Hospital, or maybe this is something that has happened to me and changed in my body going into adulthood.
When I arrived at Kings College Hospital London recently I thought I was just going into ask for a basic leg lengthening operation. It's actually not so basic but not such an ordeal as when I was a teenager having it done.
At the moment I feel very anxious and not feeling as upbeat as I normally am, the news of multiple operations has hit me hard. It's terrifying to know, I maybe off work for a number of months, there are so many unknowns while my specialist gets to grips with what's going on.
I have a lot of anger inside me too, angry at myself for just covering up the pain and getting on with life. I have been self medicating with Ibroprofen, paracetamol and codeine for years. If I had been more persistent with my GP's over the years would I have been seen quicker instead of now, and maybe the damage cannot be undone.
An example of leg lengthening
The problems I have are so serious and complex I will next go to a case study with a team of consultants gathering together, to see what can be done for the lower half of my body. Depending on how long it takes to get healthy again I could lose my own home, income and freedom. I have never felt so vulnerable. I have been told to get off my legs and do more office work to stop any more damage and help stop the pain.
I'm not done with life yet, although those dark thoughts are emerging, I want to live and walk and see the world for more years to come. Life as I know it has changed, I hope I can still live the life I want to lead when all is done...
I have been in shock for the last week. My specialist has told me that X-Ray's showed I had abnormal bone structure in pelvis, bending femur, knee and ankle. She told me that I will need multiple operations to reconstruct it all.
I don't understand why this wasn't picked up as a child at Great Ormond Street Children's Hospital, or maybe this is something that has happened to me and changed in my body going into adulthood.
When I arrived at Kings College Hospital London recently I thought I was just going into ask for a basic leg lengthening operation. It's actually not so basic but not such an ordeal as when I was a teenager having it done.
At the moment I feel very anxious and not feeling as upbeat as I normally am, the news of multiple operations has hit me hard. It's terrifying to know, I maybe off work for a number of months, there are so many unknowns while my specialist gets to grips with what's going on.
I have a lot of anger inside me too, angry at myself for just covering up the pain and getting on with life. I have been self medicating with Ibroprofen, paracetamol and codeine for years. If I had been more persistent with my GP's over the years would I have been seen quicker instead of now, and maybe the damage cannot be undone.
The problems I have are so serious and complex I will next go to a case study with a team of consultants gathering together, to see what can be done for the lower half of my body. Depending on how long it takes to get healthy again I could lose my own home, income and freedom. I have never felt so vulnerable. I have been told to get off my legs and do more office work to stop any more damage and help stop the pain.
I'm not done with life yet, although those dark thoughts are emerging, I want to live and walk and see the world for more years to come. Life as I know it has changed, I hope I can still live the life I want to lead when all is done...
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