You may think I'm doing fine, but some days I don't want to feel anything.
It's a strange feeling and one I'm struggling with. I have been told to express myself more to help relieve the pressure of anxiety around operations, finance and change in lifestyle while I am getting better.
The good news, my test results from MRI showed nothing sinister, but has given consultants a road map on what needs to be fixed down the left side of my body. I have a consultation in a few weeks with a team of consultants and surgeons to tell me what they want to do with me.
My boss at work has been great, my change in mood was noticed, mainly because I was crying at times, something I never do. Men don't cry do they? They are not suppose to cry. When we do we feel vulnerable and pretty stupid. I now have a job role I can do and it also helps working in such a close friendly team. Although I'm not allowed to speak about what I do it keeps me from thinking about my health and all those worries.
I have been to the GP recently after falling over twice on the same day onto hard concrete and I now use a crutch as my knee is giving way. The docs say I might have broken a rib, and at times it really really hurts. Hospitals don't X-ray ribs as they can't do much unless its pierced a body organ. So I was told to have more Codeine on top of Naproxen, this just made me more constipated and feeling more down. It didn't help the pain so I went onto Tramadol. Tramadol at first stopped the pain, then I got severe teeth jitters, itching, feeling hot, being sick, depressed and an intense feeling that I would die if I slept that night. I could not drive to work as I was also incapable of walking. So given I have mobility issues anyway I decided to stay in my bed, but I was in no rib pain, so that was a bonus. After calling the GP I was told to stop taking Tramadol. How about a higher dose of Codeine they said? Considering all that drug did was make me constipated and depressed I told them, no thanks. How about I stick to Naproxen and good old fashioned Paracetomol. I don't have any side effects with those and perhaps my mood will change too.
3-days later, I feel almost fine in the mood department I have times in the day when I think about my health but I'm not as grey as I have been. I don't feel "epic", I feel "stable" and able to cope abit better, I realise also I am going to feel down at times, so living day to day. The dark is further away now.
I have been offered counselling before and after the operation, I think that is a good idea for me and anyone else going through major life changes.
If this sets off alarm bells for any of you reading this and your are in a dark dark place, you are not alone, take a look at the medication you are on, especialy things like Codeine and Tramadol. For me they do not work at all, they just make me feel shitty. Talk to your work too, and get information from your GP about counselling. Society says blokes should not cry, or seek help, but we do, so lets get over it.
If you want to email me, contact details are on this website. Twitter @Keeler_philip
It's good to feel happy again!
It's a strange feeling and one I'm struggling with. I have been told to express myself more to help relieve the pressure of anxiety around operations, finance and change in lifestyle while I am getting better.
The good news, my test results from MRI showed nothing sinister, but has given consultants a road map on what needs to be fixed down the left side of my body. I have a consultation in a few weeks with a team of consultants and surgeons to tell me what they want to do with me.
My boss at work has been great, my change in mood was noticed, mainly because I was crying at times, something I never do. Men don't cry do they? They are not suppose to cry. When we do we feel vulnerable and pretty stupid. I now have a job role I can do and it also helps working in such a close friendly team. Although I'm not allowed to speak about what I do it keeps me from thinking about my health and all those worries.
I have been to the GP recently after falling over twice on the same day onto hard concrete and I now use a crutch as my knee is giving way. The docs say I might have broken a rib, and at times it really really hurts. Hospitals don't X-ray ribs as they can't do much unless its pierced a body organ. So I was told to have more Codeine on top of Naproxen, this just made me more constipated and feeling more down. It didn't help the pain so I went onto Tramadol. Tramadol at first stopped the pain, then I got severe teeth jitters, itching, feeling hot, being sick, depressed and an intense feeling that I would die if I slept that night. I could not drive to work as I was also incapable of walking. So given I have mobility issues anyway I decided to stay in my bed, but I was in no rib pain, so that was a bonus. After calling the GP I was told to stop taking Tramadol. How about a higher dose of Codeine they said? Considering all that drug did was make me constipated and depressed I told them, no thanks. How about I stick to Naproxen and good old fashioned Paracetomol. I don't have any side effects with those and perhaps my mood will change too.
3-days later, I feel almost fine in the mood department I have times in the day when I think about my health but I'm not as grey as I have been. I don't feel "epic", I feel "stable" and able to cope abit better, I realise also I am going to feel down at times, so living day to day. The dark is further away now.
I have been offered counselling before and after the operation, I think that is a good idea for me and anyone else going through major life changes.
If this sets off alarm bells for any of you reading this and your are in a dark dark place, you are not alone, take a look at the medication you are on, especialy things like Codeine and Tramadol. For me they do not work at all, they just make me feel shitty. Talk to your work too, and get information from your GP about counselling. Society says blokes should not cry, or seek help, but we do, so lets get over it.
If you want to email me, contact details are on this website. Twitter @Keeler_philip
It's good to feel happy again!
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